I'm not sick but I'm not well

On the off chance this past weekend wasn't full enough, I made certain there was time to see the new Twilight movie. I know, I know, it has a name, but I don't actually care what it's called. Before we get to that, my rant on the books.

I read the Book #1 on the beach in 2008.
Perfect. Loved it.


Paid full price for Book #2 at a resort book store so I could read on the plane home. Not as good as first book, but perfectly fine. Not entirely unlike my feelings for Chamber of Secrets on first read. (I have since listened to Jim Dale read EVERY SINGLE WORD OF ALL SEVEN BOOKS and have seen the error of my ways. Sorry JK)

Books #3 and #4 arrived together from Amazon a few weeks later.
Happy fingers. I jumped right in.
And you know what?
The water was not nice.
Parts were too hot and then too cold. And then parts were totally, wait, What does that say?
By the end of Book #3 I was embarrassed. But I couldn't stop.

I basically taught myself to speed read for Book #4 as the ridicule was too much. And that was just of myself.

See, then there was a baby. And how it got out.
And that name.
And then the immmm - printing.

Judge all you want. I am hardest on myself.


2008 rolls around and we are placated by hearing there are going to be movies.
Total dee-light, right?
Edward/Cedric. He's a cutie. The chick from Into the Wild (ah, Emile moment...wait...okay, I'm done). Even that doll boy from Cheaper By the Dozen 2 - totally could see it back then. He was going to be a hottie. Good previews. Okay, I am in. Show me what you've got.


Movie #1.
Rob Pattison doesn't look finished to me. Like he needed a few more hours of cookin.
That's all I have to say about that.

Movie #2.
Has a lot of making up to do. We are in a big fight. BIG FIGHT.

And you know what?

We are totally made up!

The CGI stuff was so much better. No weird "looks like a Ken doll running up a tree" moments. The wolves were a smoosh too big, but I can get on board. I can even overlook Ms. No Tears (KStewart - I am talking to you) because we were given so much else to look at.

And by else, I mean HOLY, How the fuck old is he?

The mother in me is really really trying to focus on Jacob's real life mother. And that she is probably my age - if not younger. If I think about her, I cannot as readily think about...shudder...judgement. Damn it. Why? Why? Why even show us stuff like this?

And as for old Sparkle Tits (totally from skepchick.org)...

You may be Bella's choice. And that is fine.


Because if you make me choose, Eddie, I am always going to be Team Jacob.

Someone has to protect this wolf from all those nasty cougars.