At least Four per store

Sam Walton, I am sure you had a vision for affordable one-stop shopping.
I bet you were pretty ding dang pleased with yourself with the company you built.
Richest man in America living in Arkansas? Hell, yes. Why not?
I bet the people running the show in Arkansas love to know we're all shopping more and paying less.

Sam, Sam, Sam, I think the inmates are running the asylum.

Sorry, but this place that bears your name that practically runs commerce for our country, it's just plain shitty.

It's just that the people that shop there (regularly, I mean) are always a little sad.

A little "this is the life I've made and it's not great,so let's buy more cheap beer".

It's 3 year olds in pajamas crying in the arms of their older sister (Good God, I hope it's her sister) at 9:45 pm.

It's the sad generic soda.

It's the man in the cart with oxygen reeking of cigarettes.


And yet, there I was, ready to reserve all my elitist Walmart judgement when I saw the mailer that said Wii Fit Plus would be available on February 14th.

See, I've been looking for a wee Wii Fit Plus for over a month.
And there are none.
Nothing.
I looked thoughout my travels to Chicago. Nadda.
I even checked in LA. Bupkus.
Julie checked Vegas. Zilch.

Here I sat - holding a flier that reads "At least four per store"
In writing.
Golden.

I wanted to be sure to get one.
So on the 13th of February, I traveled the worst stretch of town known as North Prospect and entered at least my version of Hell. Walmart on a Saturday at noon.

I made my way to electronics.

I spoke to Kiefer.
Kiefer's maybe 18 years old and looks nothing like the vampire in Lost Boys.

He kindly tells me to come back after 10:30 pm tonight, check with the overnight guy, who would be the most likely to know if my future Wii was going on sale at 12 midnight. Or some other time. Kifer is not sure. But he asures me he has nothing to sell me at that time.

Flash forward to 9:15 pm.
Lucio is studying. Jack is sleeping.
Julie and I were unable to get tickets to see Valentine's Day at 9 pm because evidentally there is no curphew in Champaign County, regardless of how much one is needed. Note to every 15 year old filling every seat in the place - don't you have a bedtime? How about let's leave all shows after 9 pm for the grown ups who don't need rides home. K?

Without our dose of pretty skinny movie stars, Julie and I head to the Walmart in Savoy.

9:45 pm.
Wii less. Empty shelves.
Glenda checks inventory. Nadda.


Weird, I think, considering there should be 4. Each store.
Remain optimistic, I counsel myself. There will be 4. In each store.
At least one for us.

Glenda brings Justin into the mix.
Justin knows something immediately. I can tell.
He won't meet my eyes.

"Um, we sold them."
Pa schwa schwa??
"No, that cannot be right. The sale begins on the 14th."
"I know. They were sold earlier today."
"I don't understand. Who sold them?"
"I didn't!"
"I didn't say you did."

From the other side of the display, Julie, who is playing with the laptop, snickers and announces, "Jesus, this place is a nightmare. Why can't you just order it online?"

To Julie - "Because on Amazon they are selling for $50 over list. And they are only $100 to begin with. And I am not doing that."
To Justin - "I'm going to need to speak to a manager."

Enter Dan.
Dan with his small Hitler like mustache and a visible gold tooth.

"Um, I don't know what happened. We don't got any. I can't ask the manager at either Champaign (oh, yeah, that's right, the very same store I was in just 8 hours earlier with Kiefer. Yeah, those are sold too) or Urbana to , like, do anything, so, sorry, we're out."

Oh, it's on. You, Dan, just became the lead in my letter.

I begin drafting my strongly worded letter in my head and walk out of the Savoy store clutching one glimmer of hope.

The names David and Shane. Supposed managers of Urbana store.

The same Urbana store, according to the person I didn't speak to on the phone, has not sold their 6 copies.
And they will not sell a Wii until 8 am Sunday.
The 14th.
The day after the 13th in case you're keeping score.


Leaving my house this morning with the smallest hope that I will come home successful, I consider that should I come home without a Wii, I will undoubtedly come with the close to my "Walmart better send me a coupon for a Will Fit Plus" letter and a blog entry.

It's now 11:45 am.

Sitting in the plaid chair in the living room, listening to Jack bounce back and forth between the new Penguin balancing game and Ski Jump, I consider not sending my letter to Arkansas.

Nope.

I wouldn't feel right not telling them.