Johnny Be Good

I remain in the early stages of my interest in Emile Hirsch. I know he's too young for me but I cannot seem to quit this man/boy...

I know his birthday, but mostly because it's March 13th and that is my brother Kevin's birthday.

I know he doesn't have a new movie coming out anytime soon. I don't care. I still think he is the cutesthingever.



Oh, and I know he is climbing Mt. Kilamanjaro right now as part of this group of activists raising awareness for clean drinking water.

I have had some long term celebrity crushes over the years.

My celebrity crushes live on Hump Island. Not unlike the list of 5 celebrities you can -and would - um, canoodle with, if ever presented the opp. How interesting that it never occurs to me that bedding this 24 year old actor who stands just a smoosh taller than Jack could be a challenge?


Hump Island has had several inhabitants since I discovered it way back when.

Bradley Cooper moved onto the island last summer.


Didn't we all that moment watching Hangover and think, "How long has he looked like that?"


Edward Norton visits fairly regularly.

He has a time share.


Emile has been there for a while. Since Dogtown.

Clooney, Pitt (before the stench of Angie turned him into the dad at the playgroud I have to explain to Jack, "Sweetie, please stop saying that man smells at the top of your voice.")



Patrick Wilson and Justin Kirk. There all the time.





I know, I know, I am all over the map on hump island. It's my island. I can do what I want.


Because there is a king of hump island.
He is a classic.
He is as sweet as grand marnier. (God, I hope we have some GM...)
He is the right age, I am sure the right smell, and certainly the cannoodling would be divine.

Because you know he works for it. No neck fucking here...

A neck fuck is a phrase we coined in the 90's about men you could just tell, when they are doing the hard work, really only move their neck. And really, who's happy about that? Can we all say three pump chump?

Johnny Depp is the coolest of the cool because he doesn't care.
Because he has the best filthy floppy hair ever
No, no, my main man Johnny Depp never goes out of style.

So I will sign off shortly, as I hear the bath water draining from the tub and Lucio speaking rapidly to Jack about getting to sleep if he wants to go sledding tomorrow.

Dillinger is ready to be cue'd up. Popcorn is popped.

Long live the king.