That, what they just said, does not exist

I have seen all kinds of weather.
Lived one both coasts.
A few years in sunny California.
With it's sun and it's more sun and it's sometimes wind.
Santa Ana's are rough. Like a coyote cartoon.

Raised mostly in the mid-atlantic, which has sun and rain and snow and sleet. Something for everyone.

Now in the middle of the country.
The middle has the wind. Like whoosh - WIND!!!
I used to be nervous going out in wind.
Now, if it's under 30 miles per hour, we'll still walk the dog.

I have seen a lot of weather.

I made it through Hurricane Isabel in 2003, in the ghet-to, when Lucio had to regularly go out and clear the sewer drains of used diapers and chicken bones so our house wouldn't flood. The only time our lights went off the whole two days? When he was trying to unstick a tire from the sewer. He heard me scream from three houses down. Swear to God. Ask him.

I survived the Blizzard of '96 with only MaryAnn for company and barely two packs of cigarettes between us. For three days. It's interesting to me now that quitting smoking was never a consideration. Hmmm. It's a puzzler.

While we were going to nicotein withdrawl, Vivian was trapped alone in her apartment near AU.

It was in this apartment where just a month earlier Vivian had frozen the pipes to the whole building because she left the window in her kitchen and bedroom open whilst she went home for Christmas.
For two weeks.
To Long Island.

Because...
wait for it...
She was convinced the cockroaches wouldn't enter her apartment if it was too cold.

Like a little chill can scare off a distict roach?

During the 96'r, MaryAnn and I ventured outside while it was still coming down..hoping the 7-11 was still open.
It wasn't.
I am sure we considered robbing one of the old bitties living in our building for her smokes, but none of them smoked Marlboro Ultra Lights.

During our fruitless search for smokes, we sat down in the middle Montrose Road, just off Rockville Pike. Not a car in sight.

Because of 96, I was totally prepared for the big storm in 2001 when Lucio and I lived MacArthur Boulevard in the pre-burbs. While everyone was at the soviet, the social and the unsafeway grabbing milk, we prepared by leaving time for a a trip to the liquor store for Grand Marnier, the bakery for bread, the Italian Store for cheese and the video store for The Godfather, parts I, II, and III. And we got milk and bread too. And plenty of cigarettes.

I also learned how to make lasagna during that one. Jamie and Steve had no idea that I had no idea what I was doing.

Hell, Becca and I trained for the Marine Corps Marathon in 2002, one of the hottest summers on record in our nation's capitol. Running our fat asses from SW DC to Bethesda (and back). Hello? Crossing boarders. In this story, Becca is the real amazing one, as she was three months pregnant with Theo at the time and didn't know it. That's my godchild...the litle Advil baby that could.

I have weathered wind in Illinois that literally knocked Jack off his 18 month old feet walking into Schnucks a few years ago.

Isn't that a ridiculous name for a grocery store? I spent the first two months we lived here thinking it was called Schmucks.

But this is too much.

The forecast for the past few days continues to include FREEZING FOG WARNINGS.

That is made up! There is no such thing as freezing fog!

Like you're driving down the road, and BAM!! Smack right into a sheet of ice just hanging out in mid air?

Fog is what? Really wet air right? I am going to check...

Like I thought. Basically just really wet air.

And here we sit. Day after day. Night after night. The same forecast.
Freezing Fog.

Maybe the people on the news are just making this up.
Is Doug Quick going to hit us with "Gotcha! Fog can't Freeze! Suckers!!!"

When he does, I can say I knew it all along.